30 January 2007

I whole heartedly give you my thumbs up

"Can you believe this? Would you look at that? Just call me "Mr. Butterfingers." I think it's on the floor somewhere. Is my face red. "
--Joe Early, UHF


Along with whatever heart is found in my thumb


This is awards show/post/blog/postblog/blag-o-blag/blogosphere. These are the favorites of the year 2006. All you need to do is to save the image in your "My Pictures" folder, print it out, make it 3-D and then throw some sort of smash party. Why? Because you all think I'm great.

So here we go:

Original idea because this man saw that we all need to be awarded somehow and who wouldn't want to follow/wallow in his footsteps. Wugs

Best retelling of an event that which spun out of control that was quickly surpressed by genius ideas and some really weird fanatics which in turn forced me to perform a phone call hence starting asking I how ask for people. J'no

This one is for an excellent 80's reference. I mean, who doesn't love Double Dare?

Best way to destroy someone's dreams. I will never do anything remotely ambitious anymore.

I just approve. Nothing more.

This should definitely be put on some sort of test. I approve for the suspense and reference to a running joke. Top shelf indeed

Blogging 101 award will go to the best introduction known man and probably several other species.

I almost peed my pants several times from reading comments by this person. And that certainly deserves recognition.

This one goes to the person who has lost most decency [and gave us a clear shot] but we still think she's great.

Of course there are more awards to give out. You all know you are great and that I enjoy your company dearly [even if we've only met vaguely once]. Actually this post is so that you make a plaster bust of me from the jpg on this post. I have no idea how you'll do it. But I trust you. Congratulations everyone! Keep up the good work.

29 January 2007

If you have any decency whatsoever

"It may disturb you. It scares the willies out of me."
--Slartisbartfast


Please skip the following

Just letting all of you know that the BCF sells man-thongs. Some of which are the tear away kind too!

I'll just let you guys mull over that one for awhile.

20 January 2007

Who wants to get hosed?

"After this storm, we'll be in a new ice age"
--Dennis "Freaking" Quaid, Day After Tomorrow


Oh look! What a surprise!

Well first of all, minus ten points for me for watching "Day After Tomorrow" on a Saturday night. As with any movie of this nature, it makes one think. Those in charge of said movie would have preferred that I thought about how I could be more environmentally aware and take steps to save nature [This is the part where I lift my shirt, pick at my belly button lint and spit some sort of loogie concoction off to the side]. I did however start thinking about cities in the movie-making business. The question is: What are the cities most often hosed in movies? I've got four big ones right off. New York City, Los Angeles, D.C. and Chicago. Why? It might be because they might be the largest and most important metropolitan areas that the U.S. has to offer. Think of any disaster movie and those four are probably most hounded upon by the forces of nature, comic book villains, Hillary Clinton, terrorists, corruption and let us not forget, aliens. Sweet!

Now, there are other cities that get their worlds rocked. I mean, who's not down with trashing the entirety of Florida. The bay area of California gets in on the action every now and again. The midwest has had a highlight or two *cough Twister*. But apparently I haven't heard much about the destruction of the Northwest namely Seattle and Portland. Why would that be? Oh yeah, there's nothing exciting about knocking off a bunch of liberalist hippies. They probably wouldn't notice due to the large percentage of weed still permeating the area. Okay so there might be a few riots here and there but, they'd probably be about saving the beached whales project or something useless like that.

We could even go across the world to see what other cities get destroyed in movies. No, let's go by countries instead. Japan gets hit a lot but does anyone care [i.e. Godzilla]? I think in the movie making business, we're more about trashing our own lands for entertainment. I guess there's some sort of appeal to it. Oh well....

PS- Oregon ended up dynamiting that beached whale.

15 January 2007

I don't know why I haven't done this before

"La tuya!!"
--Carlos A.


let me introduce you to [insert noun]

You know how people have birthmarks? Yeah, I've got one. It's a mole on my left shin. It happens to be about a half inch long and a third inch wide oval type shape. I love my mole. I remember pictures of it [not specifically to portray said mole in all its glory but only me as a whole] from years ago. yeah, it's cool.

Anyways, as its presence has been made known I've come to realize that I have yet to name it. Of course it needs a name now due to the fact that it just laser beamed one of my good friends who at the time tried pulling my leg hairs with her toes [where on earth would she get an idea like that, I certainly wouldn't know *cough*]. I mean, you can't get laser beamed by something that doesn't have a name. It's just not right. Although that most things that do laser beaming are of electronic/mechanic nature even with the existence of Superman pending. This thing of a mole has got some attitude/class/issues and what have you. It can't be ignored anymore. Something will happen. Believe you me, we've had some chats. As of right now, the name is Robert De Niro. Though a good name and a good actor, I'm sure I'm messing with some copyright issues, I think that my mole needs a name. And this is how it will work:

So, I am having a contest. Or something. I would just like suggestions of names for my mole. I guess whoever comes up with the name that I decide said mole should be called will be rewarded. I don't know how or when, but we'll think of something. Remember, it's watching you.

--Side note: Once this mole has a name, it will challenge any plaster bust of Burt Reynolds to a battle of wits. It'll be the best show on earth!

10 January 2007

Pirate or Hobo?

"I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul"
--Pirates who don't do anything, Veggie Tales


Which would you rather be

So, it takes about a week of not shaving for me to have enough facial hair so that I start looking like a hobo. Even more so if I don't shower or wash my clothes. But the beard-ish thing that I get going on makes me feel really dirty sometimes. Then I got to thinking, pirates had pretty gross beards too! That's exciting!! Hobos are almost like pirates in the beard sense.

Then I got to thinking what are the cool points of being either a hobo or a pirate. Hobos are homeless, excellent at being creepy, got mad scavenging skills, can do a makeshift home in less than twenty minutes, have stomachs made of awesome metals like iron or californium, great drug users, incredible tool makers and have an inate sense of direction.

Pirates on the other hand are seaworthy, skilled in cutlass, guns, compass handling, excellent Zelda gamers, mostly he-man woman haters, have cool pirate jargon [like "aye" or "arrgghhhh!!"], well versed in thievery and scandal, awesome use of missing appendages and they have an endless supply of rum.

All in all I think pirates are cooler but I have been on this hobo kick. As we all know, there are pirates and hobos with the collective IQ of a Nine Inch Nails poster. But they both have amazing potential. Huge money is to be made in entertainment alone. Especially if you can grow a beard. Here's to your facial hair!!

04 January 2007

My Mom

"Your mom!"
--Ben, to his mom

"Your Mom!!"
--Ben's Mom to Ben in retort


Scores One Billion Points

First of all, about two weeks ago I had to give my mom a yellow card. Just because she told a joke that was slovenly in nature. I never imagined her to say such a joke. However it was quite humorous. Also, she heard the joke from her mother [I truly believe that grandmas are allowed to say whatever they want]. So, in essence, I just carded two generations of my family at once. But I am truly happy that mom realizes that I might enjoy the joke despite its nature. Yay!! I'm very much like my mother!!

Number two: I recently changed my voicemail message. I now say 'You have reached Felipe Sanchez, however I am unavailable at the moment. So, if you wouldn't mind leaving me a message to the tune of any 80's rock song, that would be much appreciated. Thanks'. So, last night I see that I have a voicemail. I check and it's from home. So I check it out. It's mom and I quote 'Wild Thing!! You make my heart sing!! Just calling to say I love you'. No offense anyone, but I got the coolest mom ever!

02 January 2007

Taking Back January

"I'm under the assumption that I'm gonna be the one that's leaving you"
--I Am Fred Astaire, Taking Back Sunday


One Eighty by Winter

This time, January is going to listen to me. In January's past, I've let things take control of me. Unable to make things happen, do things my way. Always reacting, always at the mercy of someone or something else. Always complacent.

Not this time. This time I'm making something happen. This January, this year I'm making decisions. I will take control of my actions. I will provide. None of this "I'll just let life pass me by" crap. This is me taking January by the shirt collar and telling it in the face "I AM HERE TO STAY!" I'll even collect some toadies. Freckled ones with bright red hair! I will rule this month. HA!!

Now what to do with my four day weekend.....