one step forward making two steps back

"You wash your hands, you come up clean
you fail to recognize the enemy within
you say we're not responsible but we are"
--We Are, Ana

Another fight to wish away the loneliness I live
Another night of people asking what I have to give"
--Who I am, Smile Empty Soul

"you must be losing my mind
there's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain
I just wanna sit in my apartment and hate you
I will be hating you for Christmas"
--Everclear

I wish I may I wish I might

Some people would be surprised at how well I'm doing. I'm nowhere near as bitter as the above quotes would suggest. Not that I don't want to be bitter. Don't you ever have those times where you just want to stay angry? The moments where you want to yell and scream in a corner, refuse any help/advice/everything from everyone and give the world the double deuce? I've had those. And this is not one of them. To me, this is like I've been through this before, this is almost fun.

the approach

Still, I'm back at the point where I need to approach people. The problem is that one gets into a routine and/or so used to something and now they forget the basic do's and don'ts of socialism in the land of singlehood. Stuff becomes habitual. And now, I'm supposed to kick the habit. For some people, I guess you could say it's like quitting your heroine addiction cold turkey. That sounds quite difficult but I think I'm pulling a Jack Bauer here.

Yeah, so things have changed. People have changed. I'm now allowed to like some people and hate others. I have found some people have changed in a way I don't like. I think to myself, what the crap are you doing to yourself? And then I think, Self! Great Day! You don't have to deal with that! I don't have to tolerate anything I don't want to. No Shades, no snowballs, no spoiled plots. Such a liberating feeling. But then again, don't we all want to tolerate at least something for something greater? I know I do. My day will come!!

The thing is now I have to approach a very many people in an entirely different way now. I've always had trouble with this one. Especially when I have so many billion thoughts running through my mind [like unto now]. What are my intentions? What do I want people to think of me? Is this really such a good idea? Oh, and, are you doing what I think you're doing to me? I've got a lot on my mind if you haven't already discovered. I'm working on this one.

late night conversation

So there's A, B, W and M who is roommate with B. W is getting used to things. A knows M but S who is roommate of A knows basically everything. I also have a class with C who rooms with A and S and could possibly know everything. Then there's also V, H, T and K who I often talk to and they give their two cents. Plus they also room with F who is another story in and of itself. I've recently had good chats with A, B, S, T, V and A4 through which I'm discovering a whole lot. However, talking to B and M together is like social epillepsy. And, I'm jacked.

partial story

To the one who called at 1:00am. I believe who and why are two very legit questions. And why are you stuck in the 6th grade?