You probably don't want to read this

"But the problem is that she has morals."
--Brando

If you want to learn...

Now, to tell you the truth, I can hock a loogie. By the way, this post comes up thanks to one miss L'Afro who stated that can't do distance with a loogie. I can. So, this post is to teach you how. If you don't want to learn, that's okay. I don't blame you. But I say it is quite satisfying to let loose of all mannerisms and let one fly across the way.

First of all, you need some amount of phlegm. No questions. If all you got is saliva, you're screwed. Substance adds the mass you need for aerodynamics and power to cut through wind. No substance means big time mess. Do not spit against the wind. That's bad. Getting the phlegm you ask? Well, you know that part in the back of your mouth? No, too low, that's your uvula. Yeah, right there! It comes from there. Be creative on your abilities to coax that stuff out. Good work.

Second, placement of substance prior to actual ejection from mouth. This is actually very important. Imagine, you have substance. Now pull the tip of your tongue down and back to where the substance is between your tongue and gums below the teeth. This allows for the necessary power for distance. Placed anywhere else and you've got resistance. And that can be fatal to a distance competition.

In between second and third is the formation of the mouth when it is time to let fly. Your lips pretty much have to be pursed. And this is the best way to describe the best formation of lips when it comes to the hocking of said loogie: you know that moment when you're pulling back from a kiss and you haven't let go yet, but your mouth is still open? That's the sweet tenderness. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of a good kiss or a good loogie, your time will come.

Third, take a deep breath and let it fly. Blow hard and force that substance out! Granted, it takes a bit of practice but with the basics, you'll have your own style. Those of you with manners and morals, it's all good. I tell you, there's something about just letting one out. No other satisfaction like it. I say at least try it once. Even if it for curiosity.

I love a good bottom-dweller

"If all your roommates hate you, maybe that's a bad sign"
--Bishop Larry Howell

Once again gravity scores a point

Yesterday and today I moved into my new place. This entails many a thing. Let us start with the bad:

1. Physical exertion of carrying lots of stuff that you've collected over the last while. Why do I have this? Oh yeah, people give me things.

2. Realizing that you have way too much stuff.

3. Losing important items like the cord that powers your cell phone. Now where did I place that?

4. Finding stuff in the place apt. What's inside the closet should really have been moved or thrown away.

Good stuff:

1. If you're lucky, a clean fridge. Oh, it's amazing!

2. Spacious atmosphere. I could probably hold a soccer game in my bedroom with referees!

3. My bathroom is large enough to be unaffected by a black hole. It's huge. I love it.

4. Finding stuff in the place that's useful. i.e. board games, bouncy balls, and other weird stuff that may or may not brighten your day.

So, everything is mostly all good. I have no idea to whom belongs a large portion of the living room. The TV is huge. There's a compy. Um, this is expensive stuff. And I want to know what to do with it. I'm also not happy with the stuff that's been left in the closet. It needs to go.

Other than that, I dig the place. The kitchen is small but usable. Bedroom is really close to organized. I've got my set up. Got a few of the living essentials. All is looking good. I'm out to cause a ruckus. So all is good.

Sorry about the lame-o post. Not much else to say really. I haven't gone out of my way to notice any odd-type social behaviors or experienced any cool stories of note. But you all are great. And I want your bacon.

HelloteBradeP.!!

"My moustache has a hemi?"
--RealLy, I don't knows

It's not like Visa cares anyway

Story: We all know that I work for the BCF. I work the cashier business. It pays the bills and I likes the people I work with. So, here I am taking peoples money for reasonably priced stuff and hopefully not leaving them with security sensors [I hear that they're the devil to remove]. Oft times when I'm taking said currency from people I don't actually handle effective/cash. People do pay with an ATM/Debit or credit card. With the republic credits one has to sign the pinpad located on the counter. Easy enough job right? Not for everyone. Any-dang-ways I see the names of people when they swipe said credit card. After they sign, the signature shows up on my screen. This is where it gets interesting; I see the name and it's something like "'Snaps' Provolone" or at least it had 'snap' in that order in first or last name. Well, the man signs the pinpad and presses the 'OK' button. Up shows the signature and I read "Brad Pitt". I'm taken aback. Co-worker also sees it. Everyone has a good laugh. I wish him a good day.

You see, no one really cares. It's not like most of our signatures are really legible. It doesn't matter what they look like as long as someone okays the transfer of a federal reserve note electronically from bank to bank. So next time I'm signing Gobo Fraggle

Title anti-IX

"Felipe, do clear hangers now, or I will run you over with my car!!"
--Note from Sarah C. at work, written with love

I haven't said anything yet

probably want to read the first three paragraphs on this one. This dealt with some happenstances which lead to what I now call Title anti-IX that states:

"If at any time certain privileges are revoked by one Felipe T. O. Sanchez by conviction, warrent or probable cause, a person may not regain said privileges unless otherwise noted by the following clauses;

"1: a- Said revoked privilege may be temporarily granted if a situation is proven to be a situation of emergency or need/comfort.
b- This temporary pass is limited due to circumstance and is avoided at all costs.
c- Necessity dictates pass and is only given on rare occasions.
d- Pass is granted only for minimum time. Anything that is not necessity is not allowed and hence, pass is not granted.

"2: a- If permission is asked, a temporary pass may be granted if deemed a worthy cause.
b- If asked permission is granted, it is because F. Sanchez believes in mercy. Note that permission is very, very limited.

"3: a- Privilege may be regained on an overall basis over a non-specified period of time. Pass is granted after several trial periods of temporary passes and also strict abidement of laws given by and pertaining to F. Sanchez. Consent is to be respected and not trifled with.
b- If at all unsure of current status of pass of said revoked privilege, confer with F. Sanchez for details. Be warned of ambiguity with full load of honesty. Details are generally not spoken and hence F. Sanchez will do his best to form said details in spoken word.

"4: a- If a privilege has ever been revoked, don't push your luck. Refer to adendum 3 please."

Amendment under consideration: "Permanent pass of regained privilege to be in form of written consent on green card that includes terms and conditions discussed by felon and F. Sanchez and signed by both parties."

It is understood that all have their own laws and that everyone is entitled to the protection of their own entity and identity. This is about crossing lines, doing time and proving change. I have been revoked of privileges. I am probably doing time. I am hoping to change.

Jelly Belly

"Every noble work is at first impossible"
--Thomas Carlyle

She never forgot the pedicure idea

This post is a tribute to Joji Logan. One of the coolest people I know. I work with her. She's in charge of the accessories department and passes by the registers often while at work. She was a huge fan of the pedicure date idea. Often times I hear her say "Hey Felipe, you have a hot date tonight?" To which I generally answer "No...", and then she'll say something like "Well, get to it." All in all, she is amazing. The absolute embodyment of niceness. She will always ask how I'm doing and just fun to talk to.

So, every now and again she buys stuff in the store. She gets alo t of things for her posterity. Why? Because that cool and who needs a reason, really? Last Thursday I'm doing my own thing at the customer service register and she comes up and buys some stuff for people she knows. As always, a good little chat. Fifteen minutes later she comes up again with this small can of Jelly Bellies. She looks me straight in the eye and says "Felipe, this is for your date. You can't eat it, you have to give it to your date." I blush. She smiles. I can't argue with her. I respect her wishes. She's only looking out for me. And really, who can refuse? So I now have this can of Jelly Bellies that lays next to my computer waiting for my next date to which I give. My next date will score. It'll be a good one.