I don't know why I haven't done this before

"La tuya!!"
--Carlos A.

let me introduce you to [insert noun]

You know how people have birthmarks? Yeah, I've got one. It's a mole on my left shin. It happens to be about a half inch long and a third inch wide oval type shape. I love my mole. I remember pictures of it [not specifically to portray said mole in all its glory but only me as a whole] from years ago. yeah, it's cool.

Anyways, as its presence has been made known I've come to realize that I have yet to name it. Of course it needs a name now due to the fact that it just laser beamed one of my good friends who at the time tried pulling my leg hairs with her toes [where on earth would she get an idea like that, I certainly wouldn't know *cough*]. I mean, you can't get laser beamed by something that doesn't have a name. It's just not right. Although that most things that do laser beaming are of electronic/mechanic nature even with the existence of Superman pending. This thing of a mole has got some attitude/class/issues and what have you. It can't be ignored anymore. Something will happen. Believe you me, we've had some chats. As of right now, the name is Robert De Niro. Though a good name and a good actor, I'm sure I'm messing with some copyright issues, I think that my mole needs a name. And this is how it will work:

So, I am having a contest. Or something. I would just like suggestions of names for my mole. I guess whoever comes up with the name that I decide said mole should be called will be rewarded. I don't know how or when, but we'll think of something. Remember, it's watching you.

--Side note: Once this mole has a name, it will challenge any plaster bust of Burt Reynolds to a battle of wits. It'll be the best show on earth!

My Mom

"Your mom!"
--Ben, to his mom

"Your Mom!!"
--Ben's Mom to Ben in retort

Scores One Billion Points

First of all, about two weeks ago I had to give my mom a yellow card. Just because she told a joke that was slovenly in nature. I never imagined her to say such a joke. However it was quite humorous. Also, she heard the joke from her mother [I truly believe that grandmas are allowed to say whatever they want]. So, in essence, I just carded two generations of my family at once. But I am truly happy that mom realizes that I might enjoy the joke despite its nature. Yay!! I'm very much like my mother!!

Number two: I recently changed my voicemail message. I now say 'You have reached Felipe Sanchez, however I am unavailable at the moment. So, if you wouldn't mind leaving me a message to the tune of any 80's rock song, that would be much appreciated. Thanks'. So, last night I see that I have a voicemail. I check and it's from home. So I check it out. It's mom and I quote 'Wild Thing!! You make my heart sing!! Just calling to say I love you'. No offense anyone, but I got the coolest mom ever!

Traffic School

"And that's who we have driving on the roads."
--Officer Janda

Monday spent well

A week ago Monday I was unable attend the Home Evening for the week. I was required by law to be somewhere else attending Traffic School. Well, I got a speeding ticket and to take care of things so that my record would be clean, I went to said school.

I get to the courthouse with a few minutes to spare. I get a good seat near the front. I wasn't sure what to expect. The Officer got up said a few things in introduction. Turns out, traffic school was a lot of fun. He showed a few boring general slides of course. But then there were other slides and videos of some really humorous stuff. Mostly showing that people are capable of being idiots. A couple of Leno or Letterman videos. Also some game show videos where the contestants had the cumulative IQ of cement. Really, I was reminded about a lot of the laws and had a good time. That's something that doesn't really happen going to Home Evening. And I didn't even miss Home Evening. I'd rather go to traffic school. Not saying that I want to get more speeding tickets, but it was a lot better than the alternative.

I'm all about the Laser Beams

"If you're good, you might see a shooting star"
--???

conversation with customers

Imagine a mom, a dad and four kids. Imagine that four coats are being purchased. Imagine a child asks about the security sensors. And this is how it goes:

kid 1: So, what are these things?

mom: If you mess with those they might get ink everywhere.

me : actually, I think these ones shoot laser beams.

kids: wow!! Really?

mom: The man knows what he's talking about.

me : They do a lot of damage.

kid 2: Show us!!

me : I can't, the lasers would destroy things all over the place and I would lose my job.

mom: And we don't want him to blow a hole through the roof.

me : This is true.

kids: Okay.


That might have been the coolest thing ever today. +10 pts.

There are stories not told

"You can flirt your way out of overdue fines at the library."
--Lorena Garcia

I needed this one, thanks chicken coop

hey flops! i talked with eileen tonight and it made me realize that i hadn't talked with you in awhile. hope you're doing well and not freezing too bad w/o your hair. i'll count my pennies and think of you.

saying what's on my mind

"Let me put down my bag of rats."
--Janitor dude, Scrubs

this happens more when we're friends

I'm a big fan of this: saying aloud the ideas you have at the moment. I happen to do this a lot. Especially if I know you well and I like you. For those of you who know me well, isn't it true that I am more blunt and slightly off color. I'll lose all fear of saying whatever comes to mind. I think life is a lot funnier that way. Of course this turns me into a level 7 jerkface for doing so. For example:

Wednesday at work there is the linens manager Sarah who is all kinds of rad and she comes in wearing a red v-neck shirt, a black skirt and red sequined shoes like unto Dorothy of Oz. I mean, she looked pretty happening. The next day she comes in and I see her with a different set of clothes on to which I immediately say, "You know, you looked a lot saucier yesterday!" She hated me for the rest of the day. But we still had some good laughs, mostly because she got real snappy at me. Still, everyone at work knows that I'll say whatever.

So, it pretty much comes down to this, if I don't really know you, I'll probably keep my mouth shut. If I know you, I'll end up saying some pretty weird crap. No offense, I really mean no harm. And if you say something kind of at the level of what I said to Sarah, I'll more than likely laugh. A lot.

Another thing I discovered is that you can say something really foul and have it not really go against you. All you need to do is this, hold your tongue. Then you make faces and say something along these lines, "ooh, I just thought of something completely horrible/foul/five your mom jokes". This will get the listening party really, really curious of what just went through your mind. They'll ask that you say what you thought. You refuse. They'll say "ah, come on!" and they push the matter a little bit. Then you tell. Then they'll cringe and shudder. But they won't blame you and everything is a lot funnier. Believe me, it works.

I play like this every day

"What did the president know, and when did he know it?"
--Howard Baker

"As far as I am concerned now, I have no enemies in the press whatsoever."
--Richard Nixon

Today and I are good friends

So, we all know it's Fiday the 13th. Superstition galore. People freaking out, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!! You know how it goes. I guess you could say that I'm sort of a believer in superstitions. This is how it goes: I generally did things a certain way before soccer games and track meets in high school. There was also the traditional nicotine patch for my events in track. This is a system that I've created for myself and hence, only applies to myself. As for everyday kinds of things, I think it's all people doing their own thing and people with with lucks good and bad overall.

Myself? I deal with all kinds of stuff every day. Dealing with the general public usually hammers me inside and out. I disagree with a lot of things. What actually happens to me is almost never what I wanted to happen. I deal with whatever comes my way. I deal with a lot of crappiness. This is what I do. I'm making the best I can. I'm optimistic but I also prepare for the bad. So this I say to Friday the 13th:

Bring it!!

Favorite Renditions of Myself

"So, which one is Ben and which one is Felipe?"
--Evan Kellogg

and it goes like this

Felipe
Feleep
Phillip
Phil
Flop
Flops
Flippy
Flippy "the squirrel"
Filpay
Filipay
Ffffff.......
Phipe
Pahillapi
Leap
Leaps
Leapers
Fleapers
Leapers-Goro
Flipay
Tranjulo Ortego
Terragon Oregano
Sanchez
Sancho
Sanchitos
Sancharino
Felipe Tranquilino Ontiveros Sanchez!!!!! [ah crap! I'm in trouble!]
Andrew, no, Felipe!!
Yellow Boy
Pocho
Lips [thank heavens that one didn't stick]
"Your Grandma!"
snotnose

I can't think of anything else. And there are a certain few that I left out. Some of which were quite saucy. He he!!

Conversation that I missed with my mom

"Because I came out butt first."
--Sally, who is about to explode

Along with the rest of us

Sally told me I was a C-Section. Yup. Such a good conversation.

I love a good bottom-dweller

"If all your roommates hate you, maybe that's a bad sign"
--Bishop Larry Howell

Once again gravity scores a point

Yesterday and today I moved into my new place. This entails many a thing. Let us start with the bad:

1. Physical exertion of carrying lots of stuff that you've collected over the last while. Why do I have this? Oh yeah, people give me things.

2. Realizing that you have way too much stuff.

3. Losing important items like the cord that powers your cell phone. Now where did I place that?

4. Finding stuff in the place apt. What's inside the closet should really have been moved or thrown away.

Good stuff:

1. If you're lucky, a clean fridge. Oh, it's amazing!

2. Spacious atmosphere. I could probably hold a soccer game in my bedroom with referees!

3. My bathroom is large enough to be unaffected by a black hole. It's huge. I love it.

4. Finding stuff in the place that's useful. i.e. board games, bouncy balls, and other weird stuff that may or may not brighten your day.

So, everything is mostly all good. I have no idea to whom belongs a large portion of the living room. The TV is huge. There's a compy. Um, this is expensive stuff. And I want to know what to do with it. I'm also not happy with the stuff that's been left in the closet. It needs to go.

Other than that, I dig the place. The kitchen is small but usable. Bedroom is really close to organized. I've got my set up. Got a few of the living essentials. All is looking good. I'm out to cause a ruckus. So all is good.

Sorry about the lame-o post. Not much else to say really. I haven't gone out of my way to notice any odd-type social behaviors or experienced any cool stories of note. But you all are great. And I want your bacon.

Jelly Belly

"Every noble work is at first impossible"
--Thomas Carlyle

She never forgot the pedicure idea

This post is a tribute to Joji Logan. One of the coolest people I know. I work with her. She's in charge of the accessories department and passes by the registers often while at work. She was a huge fan of the pedicure date idea. Often times I hear her say "Hey Felipe, you have a hot date tonight?" To which I generally answer "No...", and then she'll say something like "Well, get to it." All in all, she is amazing. The absolute embodyment of niceness. She will always ask how I'm doing and just fun to talk to.

So, every now and again she buys stuff in the store. She gets alo t of things for her posterity. Why? Because that cool and who needs a reason, really? Last Thursday I'm doing my own thing at the customer service register and she comes up and buys some stuff for people she knows. As always, a good little chat. Fifteen minutes later she comes up again with this small can of Jelly Bellies. She looks me straight in the eye and says "Felipe, this is for your date. You can't eat it, you have to give it to your date." I blush. She smiles. I can't argue with her. I respect her wishes. She's only looking out for me. And really, who can refuse? So I now have this can of Jelly Bellies that lays next to my computer waiting for my next date to which I give. My next date will score. It'll be a good one.