Tri-Annual Shaving Extravaganza!!

"One heap of bald maggots plus another heap of bald maggots equals two heaps of bald maggots."
--Hungarian Tongue Twister

I've figured it out




This is how it goes: I've got my hair cutting down to a system. It has been known that when I get my hair cut, I shave it. No questions asked. It wasn't until this past week that these shavings happened at regular intervals. I do it every four months. Every March, July and November to be exact. And over the past year without fail, I've unwittingly proven this fact. Also, it seems that everyone else is getting used to this and hence, reactions are of the less shocked type [it also helps that I've been planning said haircut for a week and some now]. These two pictures show what kind of pile is created every time I shave said head. That's a lot of mass. However, I do not feel much different with less hair this time. I've done this many times before and generally my head feels off center. Maybe I'm used to this. I'm okay with this. Now I'm concerned, am I more obsessed about my hair than I originally thought? That's crappy. Anyway, I'm a big fan of systems so we'll see how long this one lasts.

Oh, and I didn't find that plaster bust of Burt Reynolds. Don't know if I'm happy or sad about that.

Yom Kippur

"Also on the tenth day of this seventh month there shall be a day of atonement: it shall be an holy convocation unto you; and ye shall afflict your souls, and offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD."
--Leviticus 23:27, KJV

Tradition

I'm glad for this time. It is something that brings us together. We wear ties. We have ties to share to help others celebrate with us. We have a few IBC's. We as friends do what we do best, make each other feel good inside. Look back on the good times and plan for more. This is not my holiday but it is something I can use to better myself. Which is good for me.

This is a day of forgiveness. Now that I've take a few minutes to consider some of the meaning I can apply something good to me. I can forgive. Others. I know that generally we don't mean to hurt others but it happens every now and again. Looking past others faults will help heal the bonds I have with other souls. Myself. I'm really hard on myself a lot. Like I've said before, I need change. And how can I change and let go of the old stuff unless I forgive myself. I think I'm good for right now.

You probably don't want to read this

"But the problem is that she has morals."
--Brando

If you want to learn...

Now, to tell you the truth, I can hock a loogie. By the way, this post comes up thanks to one miss L'Afro who stated that can't do distance with a loogie. I can. So, this post is to teach you how. If you don't want to learn, that's okay. I don't blame you. But I say it is quite satisfying to let loose of all mannerisms and let one fly across the way.

First of all, you need some amount of phlegm. No questions. If all you got is saliva, you're screwed. Substance adds the mass you need for aerodynamics and power to cut through wind. No substance means big time mess. Do not spit against the wind. That's bad. Getting the phlegm you ask? Well, you know that part in the back of your mouth? No, too low, that's your uvula. Yeah, right there! It comes from there. Be creative on your abilities to coax that stuff out. Good work.

Second, placement of substance prior to actual ejection from mouth. This is actually very important. Imagine, you have substance. Now pull the tip of your tongue down and back to where the substance is between your tongue and gums below the teeth. This allows for the necessary power for distance. Placed anywhere else and you've got resistance. And that can be fatal to a distance competition.

In between second and third is the formation of the mouth when it is time to let fly. Your lips pretty much have to be pursed. And this is the best way to describe the best formation of lips when it comes to the hocking of said loogie: you know that moment when you're pulling back from a kiss and you haven't let go yet, but your mouth is still open? That's the sweet tenderness. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of a good kiss or a good loogie, your time will come.

Third, take a deep breath and let it fly. Blow hard and force that substance out! Granted, it takes a bit of practice but with the basics, you'll have your own style. Those of you with manners and morals, it's all good. I tell you, there's something about just letting one out. No other satisfaction like it. I say at least try it once. Even if it for curiosity.

Midnight Shavings

"When we were phylangelizing, my neurons were firing."
--LJ Frost

I'm bored and I itch

This is how it goes: We all know that I tend to grow out my hair for several months. I hadn't had a haircut since early March. Almost 4 months. Many times during said time period I had the urge to shave my head. This happens every now and again. Generally I'll get the urge and skip it, not cutting the hair and I won't have an urge for another two to three weeks. So, Friday night rolls around. I had been working all evening and got home around 9:40-ish. I eat food and do a few other things about the apartment. I get to chatting with a good friend and around 12:15am I was like "The hair needs to go". I asked her if she was bored, she said yeah and so I got my clippers and went over. I was done with the deed in about 20 minutes. No pictures and no goofing off. All was good. It was a late night but I didn't mind. If I go with the urge, there's no stopping me. I like it like that. That may change someday. Eh.. All's good.

And you can't even see the bald spot on this one!

not too different than footsies

"This would be a perfect moment if I didn't have to pee."
--Jamie Probert

playing backsies is very weird

We all the know concept of footsies. Imagine the following:

Brando and Mel are on their fifth date. Things have been going well. Neither of them are sure how to make the next move. But, with the coaxing of their good mutual friend [bénxa] they know something is going to happen. Now it's just a matter of them deciding when and how. So, there you have the two just sitting next to each other at the semi clean table that's supposed to be used for eating. There's blushing on both sides and we know why. Then all of sudden, there's some movement of feet and and we have extended contact of podiatry or chiropody. Amazingly enough, there is also return fire. I think everyone is okay with this.

There we have it. extended contact of the feet and we have the creation of the word we know as "footsies". I myself think it may be possible to expound on the concept. I think we can derive other like words to describe other forms of contact. Example: the playing with your neighbor's fingers or maybe even holding hands could/should be called "handsies". Rubbing backs could in fact be called "backsies". I do believe that I have played shouldersies with a girl in a class or two.

This does actually stem off a story when I did play backsies with my roommate. It was very odd experience but the fact we called said happenstance backsies pretty much made our day. So, I guess...there you have it.

Mom, please gossip

"Jump back, I wanna kiss myself!!"--James Brown

My mom is good for a lot of things. Cooking, sewing, chewing me out when I mess up, providing shelter when I go home, purchasing suits and toys, loving up the grandkids when they come and like stuff. Of course the list can go on so why don't we take this little moment appreciate the good mothers.

[waiting...] "ooh, oreo cheesecake!" [drooling ensues]

Okay, one other thing that my mom is rather good at is spreading information to all kinds of extended family and then some. Some of that stuff makes my face turn a slight blush color but if I want to spread news, I know who to go to. The only thing I need to do is supply information like possibly, hooking up with some amazing girl. Mom, you're generally all over that. I know that you don't mind me having a girlfriend with how many girls you suggest. We've discussed this before, ahem....

Mom-"How about Ori?"

Me-"She's cool and all, but, eh."

Mom-"Why don't you go out with one of the Westenskow twins!"

Me-"Probably not going to happen."

Mom-"Retard Bedard?"

Me-"I don't see anything happening"

Mom-"What about *******?"

Me-"We would end up destroying each other's souls."

Mom-"What about Ori then?"

Side note; it took Ori getting married for mom to give up on that possibility. This is for you mom: I salute all you Waites!! Especially you Penelope!!

Now that I have a girlfriend [Matsugi, you are GREAT!!], I let you know mom and I have yet hear from immediate or extended family asking more in depth questions. This is odd. I provide the girlfriend and you provide the means of communicating to everyone. Hmm...This needs to get fixed. I'll see what I can do about spreading information but I already know who's good at that. Well, I must do my own thing. Mom, I'm going to give you the go ahead to gossip like nobody's business.