Mom, please gossip

"Jump back, I wanna kiss myself!!"--James Brown

My mom is good for a lot of things. Cooking, sewing, chewing me out when I mess up, providing shelter when I go home, purchasing suits and toys, loving up the grandkids when they come and like stuff. Of course the list can go on so why don't we take this little moment appreciate the good mothers.

[waiting...] "ooh, oreo cheesecake!" [drooling ensues]

Okay, one other thing that my mom is rather good at is spreading information to all kinds of extended family and then some. Some of that stuff makes my face turn a slight blush color but if I want to spread news, I know who to go to. The only thing I need to do is supply information like possibly, hooking up with some amazing girl. Mom, you're generally all over that. I know that you don't mind me having a girlfriend with how many girls you suggest. We've discussed this before, ahem....

Mom-"How about Ori?"

Me-"She's cool and all, but, eh."

Mom-"Why don't you go out with one of the Westenskow twins!"

Me-"Probably not going to happen."

Mom-"Retard Bedard?"

Me-"I don't see anything happening"

Mom-"What about *******?"

Me-"We would end up destroying each other's souls."

Mom-"What about Ori then?"

Side note; it took Ori getting married for mom to give up on that possibility. This is for you mom: I salute all you Waites!! Especially you Penelope!!

Now that I have a girlfriend [Matsugi, you are GREAT!!], I let you know mom and I have yet hear from immediate or extended family asking more in depth questions. This is odd. I provide the girlfriend and you provide the means of communicating to everyone. Hmm...This needs to get fixed. I'll see what I can do about spreading information but I already know who's good at that. Well, I must do my own thing. Mom, I'm going to give you the go ahead to gossip like nobody's business.

Mutiny on the port bow!!

"From now on, they'll spell mutiny with my name!"
--Clark Gable, Mutiny on the Bounty

So it's been quite the pirating adventures as of late. I am thoroughly okay with that. Looking through my posts I've realized that I have not mentioned piracy with enough emphasis for my taste. I'm a pirate. Dr. Jones owns the Jolly Roger, I have a special little pirate pouch that can hold a small amount of treasures and I also have a treasure chest displaying the need for looting, pillaging, plundering, ransacking and pilfering and what have you. You get the idea. I don't have a pirate movie yet, but soon enough [Ice Pirates is probably not on the list, but I may or may not be too swarthily tempted to acquire said movie]. So I've done some stuff that has made me very happy. Let us enjoy.

Yesterday, I bought a new Moleskine for a project that I am going to start. Moleskines are sold at the bayou bookstore and they come on these specialized little stands. So I asked an employee if there were any extra stands because they weren't going to use them and I could. So the nice lady looked in back but could find none to that end just grabbed one of the stands on the shelf and handed it to me. I proceeded to give her ten points. I looted a Moleskine stand. Hooray!!

Within the past few days I had noticed an apartment that had a Jolly Roger in their window. Knowing this to be a girls apartment I had this genius idea to give them the "Black Spot" and invite them to watch Muppet Treasure Island. So Ben and I did this today in the afternoon. We actually saw two of the denizens of said apartment just outside their place. They laughed and soon enough, we had said "Ahoy, me hearty" to all. All of us thought it was the coolest thing ever. I'm okay with that.

Now on to the seas!! And nary deal with a ninja mind you. They can't be trusted.

Vanity vs. BLT

"You're eye-socketing my knee!"--Doctress Jones

Once again, we have a vanity and a dry erase marker and we went nuts!! Thus following has covered nearly all mirror space. Now I can't take a good look at my face to pop zits!! Or something like that. This is what was written:

Anyone want to go get a BLT?

Brontosaurus Love Triangle
Big Likable Tortilla
Bangladeshi Lazer Tag
Ben's Linguistic Talent
Belly-dancing Llama Team
Bellicose Lung Teacher
Badger Loving Tartan
Bionic Louse Tourism
Buried Liver Tissue
Burning Lilac Tree
Bite-size Lycopene Treat
Bebop Listening Trekkies
Blue LeoTards
Beating Live Tadpoles
Belching Like Tajiks
Barbaric Leprous Troopers
Benign Lazer Turtles
Biggest Little Township
[Sparks?]
Boring Legalese Talkers
Burgeoning Language Teachers
[Jer?]
Boron Looting Troglodytes
Blinking Light Terraces
Born Like Tarantulas
Bowling Leprochauns Tournament
Bovine Lushes Treaty
Befriending Laminated Tucans
Beligerant Lyposuction Trainees
Banal Laborious Tasks
Bonnie Lass's Tapshoes
Back-water Lagoon Trout
Brown Lemur Tax
[baddest tax in the whole dang town!]
Brownie Loathing Towheads
Blonde, Lovely Theorizers
Blind Lecherous Twerps
Battle Losing Tasmanians
Banking, Lettuce and Tomato
Bizarre Lioness Treaty
Bilious Lottery Trucker
Burnt Love Tony
[Danza?]
Babies Learning Trigonometry
Bashful Larynx Tickler
Blue Line Tonsils
Brick Laying Tarantula
Beeping Lip Timer
Beckoning Lyposuction Torture
Basilisk Lard Transformer
Best Love Transvestites
[Tim Curry?]
Barking Lifelike Terriers
Bulgarians, Latvians and Turks
[oh my!]
Bleeding Limb Tourniquet
Brazilian Lust Trap
Belly-button Lint Toupée
Bare Lake Tadies
[It's been how many weeks?]
Belch Love Tenderly

I might need a side-kick

"Put yourself on the list that we'd make cute babies."--Jamie

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Crimson Dwarf Your Superpower is Shape Shifter Your Weakness is Crosses Your Weapon is Your Magnetic Battle Axe Your Mode of Transportation is Boat

What's your Superhero Name?

This brings out my uvular /R/

"My clothing is too restrictive,
could you go over and mix things
up a little."
--LJ Frost

There are many joys in this life. Last night I discovered one of the greatest joys to man, or maybe just me. I did laundry. That's not the exact joy but it is good nonetheless. However, I really enjoy pulling my clothing out of the dryer just after the cycle. So warm [uvular /r/]. That's not the half of it though. The best part of it all was that I just washed my beanie and I pulled it out of ye dryer and I put it on. My head was in pure bliss. I felt very happy.

Then, as I was folding my clothes I found out that my feet were cold at which point I pulled whatever stuff I had yet to fold threw it on the couch and proceeded to stick my feet in it. I savored every second. Nothing warms the soul like a freshly dried set of clothing that's quite warm to the touch still. Now on a cold morning I should just go over to the laundromat with some clean clothes, put them in the dryer and heat them up and then go back to bed piling said warm clothing on top of me. I think that would be the greatest thing ever. Hmmm....I am tempted.

Other great things: Yesterday I saw a man that looked like the young version of Michael Keaton. I had to do a double take. That made me very happy. I saw a good friend of mine yesterday in the Bayou's Testing Center. Of course I had to whisper "I love your face!" to her. I rocked my test today. Got some good food from my dear friends. And as I was looking through my ECON notes today, I saw scribbled on the side thus following: "Pour powder and pretend it's cheese." I have no idea what that means but I like it. I will now wallow in some happiness right now and possibly go to the Wal-Mart.

Can I enter in peace?

"You guys'll be chalk outlines without me."--Crease, Sneakers

I get home Saturday night. I know all my roommates were gone due to a prior conference meeting. So all is well right? No, no. The ladies in the complex had two hours to break into our apartment, steal the Jolly Roger and place it on the third floor railing, uscrew the light bulbs, place a couch and the chair of shame behind the door and jelly up the doorknob. I am able to get in, cursing mildly of course. I look at the damage, shake my head in disgust and proceed to set everything back to normal. I got everything back in place, took a shower, changed clothing and left within a half an hour. None of my roommates noticed anything and wouldn't have known unless I told them, which I did. I debated not to.

Earlier today I chatted some with a girl who knew who the culprit was. She all kinds of cocky because she knew said information. I told her what happened and she was somewhat disappointed with the results. This made me wish that I did not tell anyone of the roommates about said prank. They wouldn't have known anything and I could have played dumb. That would have pissed off the culprits like none other.

The thing is that I'm tired of the pranks. I don't want to waste my time on these over-elaborate schemes of messing with other peoples stuff. Nor do I want to waste time undoing what others have done to me and my roommies. Piss off and go away!! That's about all I got for you. I now no longer want to know who did it. That's somewhat true. I wouldn't mind giving them the finger. Okay, I'm done letting off steam.

Good stuff: I just got a check for lots of money from the bayou. That makes me very happy that my university is instead giving me money. I am content. And I'm going to Gandolfo's for dinner. Mmm....

Theory or something

"The knight hath kicked thee in thy face, and when thou has woken up, thine armor was out of style."--[bénxa]

Due to the non-graphical restraints that I put myself under I will try my darndest to describe the associated drawing to the following theory. Ahem....

Picture thus: A road. At the end of said road there is some sort of junction. Two ways in which you can go. You can take path 1 or path 2. Path 1 leads to a place that we'll call outcome A. Path 2 leads us down a very different path that can encompass outcome B or outcome C. All of this will be explained. So, we'll say this:

1->A
2->B or C

As you might have guessed already, this is probably about dating. We're wired this way [The peoples I live with and I]. So let us get going already.

You're on a path, you know, minding your own beeswax and whatnot. Things going along just fine. Then, you see a crossroads of some sorts ahead. You feel that something has to happen or be done. More or less you want something to happen. No ifs ands or buts. You get the idea. You have two options.

1. Take no action*. Things move slow and run their course. Results are highly unpredictable. You can't be sure of anything. Hence, outcome A inevitably taken. Possible crossings of outcomes B or C but not both. Possibilities of losing ones mind is a considerable risk. Actually, it nears 100%.

2. Action is taken**. CAUTION: Possible actions to take are limitless. Results may vary and depending on action, may ensure outcome B or outcome C in their varying levels of intensity.

Outcome B: Actions more likely smooth, subtle. Things go the way hope. Handle experiences as the come. Possible funkiness but all is worked out smoothly.

Outcome C: Actions more likely abrupt, drastic. Probable funkiness at high levels. As are levels of awkward. Lessons are learned. Take life as it comes. Re-evaluate procedures and courses of action.

C:\>Good luck_

*--action not taken unless opportunity arises.
**--opportunity is created and hence, action is taken.

Oh so very irksome

"How many times do I have to kill you boy?!"--Jafar, Aladdin

So I'm ill. My face feels funky but at least I don't have the symphony. Bowels are still feeling weird though. Okay, that was disgusting, I'm sorry. But the face and the throat and the coughing and either side of the sinus is completely clogged. bleh...Hence, I called in sick and I played hooky with all my classes. I still need to be productive though. We'll see.

So, doing my own thing at the apartment earlier today when the phone rings. It's for me. It's one of those Wells Fargo peoples trying to get me to purchase some insurance stuff. I think somewhere in their I picked up another conversation going on when somehow not too much later I think I was transfered to another representative going on about the same kind of thing but recording me. I'm annoyed by these people. This is basically the fourth or fifth time that they have called soliciting some sort of insurance. I have accepted none. Don't these people get the idea? I just want you to keep track of my money, not anything else. How many times do I have to listen to you people explain the deal and assume that I'm going to purchase your insurance? I heard you well enough. The answer is still no! You should have known that three phone calls ago! Jerkweeds! I dislike phone solicitors. Please make them go away!

So some things just need to die. Ex: whatever infection that's prouncing about in my innards and those stupid phone solicitings. Thanks!

Ah...the smell of fermentation!

"Palatal-alveolar goodness."--[bénxa]

One of the many non-perks of walking up to campus is thus: stupid plum trees. I mean, somebody should do something about those plums. They're just left there. They get ripe, too ripe and then drop and sit there for quite some time. Enough so that they go bad. Bad enough to where I wouldn't be surprised if they started knocking over liquor stores. I think one of them threw a water bottle at me last fall. That was weird.

Yeah, so this morning walking up to campus I smelled that ever so egregious smell of plum in the process of fermentation. Some days my eyes start doing the twithing thing and my sinuses cease to function for several hours. It's kind of funky. I feel like I can stomp around the mess of fruit, bottle the "juice" and sell it for $1.95 a pint. Of course that would probably destroy my soul.

So the rottingness of anything in my opinion always has some sort of foul stench. Which brings me to some weird thought. Like taste buds, do we also have smell buds? Come to think of it, we probably have something like them but are not in the form of "buds". Maybe they're in the form of "pals"? I'm shutting up.

As written on the vanity mirror

"The walls in the 53rd precinct are bleeding."--Ghostbusters

Thank heavens for dry erase markers. We write notes to help us remember to acquire certain goods and what have you. Thus following was written on the mirror over the past while:

WE NEED TP

1. Toxicology Pampering
2. Tennis Players
3. tiny pickles
4. Tuba Packering
5. Trail-blazing Peacocks
6. Trim Perpetrators
7. Tourist Police
8. Turbulent Parasites
9. Tripe Popsicles
[they're intestilicious!!]
10. Tandem Parachutes
11. Titanic Pants
12. Trail-blazing poodles
13. Turtle Pouch
["I'll just put that in my turtle pouch"]
14. Traveling Penguins
15. Talkative Portals
[labyrinth?]
16. Terrifying Plankton
17. Translucent Porridge
18. Triumphant Pummelings
19. Terrorist Pizza
20. Telekenetic Pastors
21. Telemarketers Punishment
22. Time Preserves
23. Turbid Pineapple-juice
["Just like mom used to make!"]
24. Toiletry Prowess
25. Tablative Perfection
26. Towdry Pixies
27. Tortugas Perversas
28. Tender Pterodactyls
29. Tsar Psychosis
30. Treacle-flavored Phytoplankton
31. Tepid Pancreas
32. Trembling Polygons
33. Took, peregrine
34. Torturous Pilates
35. Treacherous Parakeets
36. Tangy Pistoliers
37. Typewriter Poop
38. Tater-tot Puke
39. Tyrannical Paraguayans
[Viva Stroessner!!]
40. Temporary Punks
41. Trash-talking Playuhs
42. Traveling Pants
[sisterhood of?]
43. Treacled Postage-stamps
44. Territorial P_______?
45. Tap-Dancing Pipsqueaks
46. Tupperware Pokémon
47. Typecast Pirates