Florence

Police Chief: You know that woman that confessed to the murder?
Tony Giardino: What about her?
Police Chief: It just so happens that she confessed to some other murders.
Tony Giardino: I thought she would.
Police Chief: She confessed to the murders of Abraham Lincoln, Julius Caesar, and Warren G. Harding. She's a nutcase!

I have this neighbor. Her name is Florence. Nice old lady. Probably about 2 billion years old. But the thing is, she's a nutcase. Drives everyone insane. Story times:

1. She yells my name, "FLIPPY!!" There's no use in correcting her. She thinks she has it down pat. Plus, she only has two volumes: silence and double Brando.

2. Tells my mom that she's tired of sandwiches for dinner and will cook her own dinner. This'll happen everynow and again due to the fact that most days of the week other people cook for her. When mom gets busy that generally means small easy meals like sandwiches.

3. Claimed that the Sprengers were due back on Monday or Tuesday when we were clearly informed from the Sprengers themselves that they were coming back on Wednesday. Oh, she knows...really she does. She says so.

4. I've never seen her anywhere else besides that chair in her living room.

5. The Johns have said that Florence is out of her freaking gord. The stories they tell and how they go off on said subject. I actually find it quite humorous sometimes.

I guess the only way to experience what is Florence is to visit her yourself. When I get old I plan on going crazy, but wow. I only hope not to lose my mind so much, just slightly.