I'm sprouting
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance.
The wise grows it under his feet."
--James Oppenheim
Experience:
A couple of weeks ago I'm walking to campus. Off to the side there's that hill type thing and whatnot where I see about four or so youngsters no older than five years of age rolling down said and giggling it up. I watched and enjoyed the splendor of the scene with some sort of massive smile on my face. I pass by the guardians who take notice of my observance and the man says to me "Don't you miss that?"
My reply: "Oh, so much."
The joys of frolicking around wherever possible were endless. Now I have to take care of school, work and pay for things like foodstuffs. My frolicking is much less frequent but the joys are still endless. But I also find joys in many other things now. I've had to learn this, I think it's some sort of skill. It's possible that you could say that I've built character. Like everyone else, I've built character the hard way. In fact, I don't think one can build character the easy way [is there an easy way? Probably not]. Learning unexplainable stuff is no walk in the park. Actually, it's no fun. But at least I grow up and become a little more sturdy. But growing means you probably did something to provoke that. Something very more than likely on the un-kosher side of the line. Or maybe you discover something that you must do or must discontinue doing. All of which are very difficult to deal with. Mostly because we end up beating ourselves up mentally until we're emotional basket-cases. Why does this have to happen? I don't know, but it seems unbearably necessary. I'm learning to deal with it.
Yesterday I found myself thinking on the words of Calvin, "Every time I've built character I've regretted it." The panel came to mind during work and it stuck. Somehow I found me inside that quote. I understood something about myself that just screamed at me. I've done a lot of things these past 24 years. Some good, some creepy and some well...yeah. And the thought came:
"I regret the act but not the consequences."
It was like getting hit with a barrel of bricks. There are a few things that I will never do again but what I've learned because of the consequences I consider invaluable. I realize now that I can't do anything I want. Unless of course I want to destroy my soul but there are a few people around here who want me to keep my soul. Heck, everyone, please keep your souls!! I am sprouting, I am growing up.
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Someone's out to get me!
3 comments:
You're a good man, Flops, but I've got to disagree, just a little. This is because I like rolling down hills, and I can even find some times to do it that aren't totally inappropriate. I think my soul is still intact, too. We should all go hill-rolling sometime soon.
(login word of the day- qaarf)
I never said I didn't like rolling down the hills. I still really enjoy that, it's just that I am unable to because of the man.
Sorry to disagree with Steph, but do let the man get you down. It's not a terrible thing to be forbidden from doing something you want and not doing it. Amazing concept in our times, but doable none the less. If indeed we listen to the words of Calvin, "There's treasure everywhere", and thus we can find pleasure out of various different things, not just those we fed ourselves on as children...growth is the new play. Unfortunately we live in the Bam society, where we no longer even stick it to the man, we stick it to each other...(essay in your comments)
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